VOICE OF HOST: Lets meet contestant number 1. He's a skitzophranic serial killa clown who says women love his sexy smile. Lets find out if his charm will work on Sharon. Sharon, whats your question?

Sharon: Contestant number 1, i belive first impressions last forever. So lets say you were to come over to my parent's house and have dinner with me and my family. Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stick

#1: Lets see...hmm well id have to think about it. I might show up in a tux HA! But I doubt it. I'd probably just show up naked like I always do, and look your mama in the eye and tell her FUCK YOU! Hurry up bitch I'm hungry I smell spaghetti, I pinch her limpy ass and tell her GET THE FOOD READY. Your dad would probably start trippin, and get me pissed. I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fuckin lips! Its dinnertime! We're hearin grace from your mother I pull a forty out and pour some for your little brother. I'm steady starin at your sister, I'll tell ya this, ya know for only 13 SHE GOT SOME BIG TITS! After that, your dad would try to jump again, and only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin after your mom does the dishes and the silverware, I'd dry fuck her till I nut in my underwear

~~~applause~~~

HOST: Now lets meet contestant number 2. He's a psychopathic deranged crackhead freak who works for the dark carnival. He says women call him Stretch Nutz. Sharon, lets hear your question...

SHARON: I like a man whos not afraid to show his true emotion, a man who
expresses himself in his own special way. Number 2, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?

#2: First thing, I could never love you. You sound like a richy bitch yo FUCK YOU!! But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care by takin all these other mutha fuckas outta here. I'd go through your phone book, and whack em all, then find contestant number one and break his fuckin jaw (WHAT!!??). Anyone who looked at you would have to pay. I'd be ball fuckin nuggets off all day. I'd grab your titties, and stretch em down past your waist, let em go and watch em both spring up in your face I'd sing love songs to ya the best I can, get ya naked and hit it like a CAVE MAN!! Then we go to tha beach and walk through the sand I throw a little in your face and say I'm just playin as you spit it all out, I rub your back, and grab your underwear and WEDGE IT UP YOUR ASS CRACK!!

~~~laughter and applause~~~

HOST: Well it sounds like contestant number 2 is just overflowing with
sensitivity Sharon. Its a tough choice so far. Sharon lets have your last
question and see which one is gonna win the rights to your neden

SHARON: Ok, if we were at a dance club, and you both noticed me at the same time, tell me, how would you each get my attention and what would your pick up line be? Who ever's the smoothest wins!!


#1: Ok first, I'd sliiide up the bar, and tell ya that I cant believe how
fuckin fat you are I'd tell you that I like the way you make your titties
shake, and if you lost a little weight you'd look like Ricki Lake

#2: FUCK THAT!! You'd be jackin me quick, I'd order you a drink, and stir it with my dick, and then to get your attention in a crowded place, I'd simply walk up and stick my nutz in your face

#1: Yeah freak her with your nutz, yo, that'll get her

#2: TELL HER THAT SHES FAT, YEAH THAT'LL WORK EVEN BETTER

#1: Look, fuck you, I got a strong rap shit you dont want contestant number two he's mad whack, i walked in to a bar, and there he was, standin up on a bucket Hooough tryin to fuck it, it was big fuckin smelly ass farm llama

#2: DAMN DAWG!!
#1: How ya gonna diss your mama??

~~~champagne popping and laughing~~~